is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
