RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
