just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
