...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
