what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
