woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
