Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
