I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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