Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
