The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
