In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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