He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
