p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
