I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
