my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
