You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
