about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
