My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
