So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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