she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
