If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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