i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
