I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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