I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
