Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
