No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
