It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
