I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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