who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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