and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
