In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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