I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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