You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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