He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
