You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
