He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
