i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
