So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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