she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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