Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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