Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
