Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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