How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
