11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's blow job season.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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