You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
