I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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