Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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