I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
