Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
