I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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