well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
