I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
